So I'm not sure if it's a side effect of the hormones, or just me, but I have been running hot lately. Hot flashes, and generally just hotter than usual. I'm going to keep an eye on it, but I just wanted to throw it out there.
Anyway, it's been a week since my first shot of testosterone and I don't feel any differently (not that I really expected to). I'm taking a relaxing day today and staying at Sarah's house playing ACII and job hunting. I already called a bunch of places as well as sent emails.
I'm worried about job hunting. How are they going to feel when my resume says Aileen "Aidan" Kircheim, and then I show up. Of course they're going to use to wrong pronouns, and of course I'm going to have to explain to them what's going on. And it's not that I'm worried about talking about it, because clearly, I'm not. Ask me anything and I'll answer it - completely open book. But it's that face that some people make that looks to me like 'okay I hear you but I still can't really comprehend this' and what comes out of their mouth is, 'Thanks for coming by, have a great day', which really means 'sorry but I'm sure I can find someone else'. It's generally not fair that someone might not hire me because I'm trans but it's not like I can prove it. And I know that a lot of us who aren't exactly passing, or haven't changed our names yet, have this problem. I just wish it didn't happen as often as it does.
So ultimately I'm worried about finding an employer who understands, accepts, and tolerates me as an employee. And the truth is, Long Island is not the best place for tolerant people. We like to pretend that we're all about equality, and understanding of people who live outside social norms, but it's really not like that at all. People are prejudiced, people are racist (and not the funny Avenue Q way either. Nasty racist) and it's unavoidable here. Don't get me wrong, I know that there are a lot of places that are the same, as well as worse than Long Island, when it comes to racism and discrimination. What I'm saying is, Long Island is where I am now in my life, and I have to deal with it.
So I guess we'll just see what happens, and roll with the punches.
Damn I should go back to kickboxing.
