I'm open about what I'm doing to my body. I would rather teach someone about myself than have them wonder in solitude, and judge, and be ignorant. Because even if they're ignorant towards me, maybe I can teach them something for the next trans person they meet. That doesn't mean that jokes about me still being a girl are going to be funny every single time. I can handle ballbusting, but it's starting to actually bother me. Questions I can handle, but some of the jokes just aren't funny.
I really want to be part of the guys, I do. And being told that it's not really going to happen, is true, but discouraging. And it hurt. He pretty much said "well did you really expect to (be part of the guys)?" and damnit, yes. I do expect that. It's not fair that every day I wake up and I'm reminded that my body doesn't match, but to have it rubbed in by people is just starting to break me down. The anger is fading, now I'm just feeling tired. And defeated.
* * *
In other news, Sarah told her parents Sunday night that we're in a relationship. Which is exciting, and apparently went well. So that's great. I'm happy that her dad didn't lose his shit. I mean, I didn't really expect him to, but the word is that his reaction was much better than anticipated. I'm really just glad that it's finally out there and we can talk about it like adults. I hope. Her mom is in emotion overload, which is fine and understandable, but suggested maybe we talk Saturday morning over coffee. I hope we do, it would be nice.
Fuck this shit can get exhausting.
