I don't know why telling family is harder than telling friends. Maybe it's because friends are of the same generation, and we've grown up with the same influences, and times are a'changin. Maybe it's because sometimes we feel closer to our friends than our family, so sharing something doesn't seem as intimidating because we can guess how our friends will react easier than our parents or family.
I'm sticking with the latter. I feel like I know my friends better than my family. I think it's because I have spent more time around my friends, and honestly communicating with my friends. I wonder if that statement should make me sad, but it doesn't.
Maybe we're a freak family, but we never talk about anything. We don't have real conversations about how our day went, what we think about society, or how we feel since Michael died. We just don't talk.
I'm too aquarius for that. I need to talk through my feelings, or they build up inside of me, and eventually I just break down. It's happened a few times now. I've learned from it.
So I had no idea what was going to happen when I told my family. Especially my parents. My brother and I haven't talked about me, or what's going on in my life. Surprise. (Sarcasm, read above about the lack of communication). My Aunt and I haven't spoken about it either, and who knew that my mother would be more upset than my dad? I was convinced that he was going to be more upset than he's shown. But it seemed to work the other way around. These hormones aren't going to change my personality, I'll still be me. I just hope that they can see that. If they can't, and still refuse to support me, I won't want them in my life.
My friends? Supportive, accepting, loving, non-judgemental, concerned that I'm doing the right thing but overall happy as long as I am, checking in on my progress, asking questions, interested, helping me through this.
My family? Silent.
And yeah, it hurts.
