Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Relearning Basic Skills

Taking a Leak:

I wish it wasn't such an ordeal to pee. I won't go into detail, but yes I can pee standing up. And it's awesome, but my body is not at all used to it. And it's even harder when public bathrooms have been terrifying for quite some time now. Never feeling right in the women's room, and never being allowed in the men's room. Now, finally in the men's room, and the pee anxiety that has always been present is now in overdrive.

It's frustrating. I just want to take a piss.

Getting Dressed:

I wish it wasn't such an ordeal to get dressed. Whether an FtM trans person is wrapping, binding, wearing two+ bras, or wearing a full binder shirt (I suggest the Underworks 998 model, I love it), it's a process to get dressed in the morning. Add humid heat and what used to take 2 minutes to put clothes on could now become almost 10 minutes. And breathing in humid heat is already difficult, now with chest compression? And did I mention that I have asthma? It's exhausting.

Now imagine your body fighting foreign hormones on the inside - which involves hot flashes and sweating - and clothes can get very uncomfortable very fast.

So keep in mind of your trans friends, because I'm sure MtF trans persons also have these issues, I'm just giving my side of it. This is not meant to generalize in any way. But seriously, when we complain about it being hot, keep in mind we may be wearing more than two layers even when it's 85 degrees out.

And maybe buy us a bottle of water.
Seriously they're like a dollar.
You can spare a dollar.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Work is working and home is suffocating.

Well it seems to be working out just fine. Everyone is working on pronouns, the men's bathroom is being used, and there are stupid boy jokes left and right. I'm getting better at the job itself, and figuring out where things are and who to go to with what issues. Room for growth, raises, overtime, things like that.

My parents still have not mentioned hormones at all. Or my transition. And my brother is an extremely irritating pothead with no respect for other people unless it directly affects him. I'm so sick of living at home.

I have a packet from PFLAG called "Our Transgender Children" and considering it's bothering me how much of a point everyone at home is making lately to address me as a girl, I might just leave it in the bathroom for people to read. Because it's actually killing me more now that all day I can be Aidan and use the men's room, and then I come home and it's all "she" and "daughter" and "good girl" left and right. I'm going out of my mind here.

Hopefully this job will get me enough income to get an apartment by the end of the year, because I have to get out of here. ASAP.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Pronoun Pride

Today was my first day at the new job! It was awesome. Everyone is nice, and seemingly non-judgemental.

The pronouns are the hard part. And the bathroom issue, but that's always a given. I managed to sneak in today when no one was in there, and as long as I don't get the shit beaten out of me - no pun intended - then we're good.

So as long as we can get the pronouns right, we're good to go. I was told today that I am officially the first transgender to work in the office, and I think it's going to be a great opportunity to teach people and help people be a little more understanding. Maybe I'm over optimistic, but I guess we'll find out. I had to correct a few people today but they all took it in stride and readjusted pretty quickly.

The office section I work in is all men, and they're ball busters, and it's fucking fantastic. They're loud, don't give a fuck who hears them, and didn't even miss a beat with me in the room. It's reassuring.

The work is tedious, but not hard, and from the looks of it - mostly sitting as a computer. And maybe I'm excited about that. Is that a bad thing? To be going from a (already and it's early in the year) blazing hot kitchen, to a temperature controlled office, sounds great. Not to mention the fact that I'm NOT standing on my feet all day, just some of it, sounds great. Now I just have to make sure I get a solid running in the morning routine so the office work doesn't affect my weight gain.

So my first day went great. And I got the code for the men's room.

Win? I think so.