Monday, April 21, 2014

That age old question...

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"


How can a child really answer that question? When they don't know how limitless the possibilities truly are?

I thought I knew what I wanted to be at least 4 times (of course there were other things I wanted to do but these I remember). First it was a figure skater, then it was a firefighter, then it was a dancer, and then it was a Navy SEAL. I held onto that last one for the longest. I remember I was staying after swim practice to do my own workout, a workout I had found on the Navy website for SEAL training. I was probably about twelve years old. I did this for two years, staying late just about every Sunday night to train. And then I found out it was a boys-only club. No girls allowed, crayon sign outside the gate and all. Just like in kindergarten. Suffice it to say, I was crushed. And so I poured myself into soccer. And I was actually pretty good. Then my knees started to go, and I was crushed once again (not half as much as I was about the boys-only SEAL club. I still think about it almost everyday).

So then what? I go to college, get a degree in Sociology and Math. Fun, interesting, but not my top career choices. Then I go to Pastry School in Colorado. Great trip, great people, great food. Got a certificate from that, come work in NYC - and realize that I really just want to decorate cakes (if I was going to work in Pastry Arts at all). Get a new job at this Medical Device company and am seriously surprised at how much I like it, and how good I have gotten at it.

But today I found something else. Something that actually made my gut clench like nothing has in a long time. Something I want.

I want to work with a comics company.

The things that I love in this world are a handful. Sarah comes first, always. Then in no particular order there's video games, cakes, cookies, and comics.

I've always loved comics. As a kid they taught me that it was okay to be different. And they helped me escape into a world where it didn't matter what was going on, or who I was, or how different I felt - I could be an X-Man. And I loved being an X-Man. I used to sneak into my brother's room and read whatever I could find. And although I don't remember which comics I read, or what happened in them, or what year they were from, I remember how they made me feel. And to this day I still feel it. They are an escape into a world where anything can happen. Anything.

I want to be part of that for someone else. I want to help shape a world for another kid who just needs to get away from everything going on around them. I want to make a difference for them the way comics made a difference for me. And I think I can make that happen.

Well, as they say - here goes nothing.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

A positive post.


More on that after a few updates. Long story short - my parents have swapped places in their views. Like that's not confusing at all. 


I tried to have a conversation with my Dad about what I'm doing and how he has been addressing me and how it is NOT okay for him to group me in with "the girls" and introduce me to people as his "daughter". He was not having it. He told me that "god gave me two sons and a daughter and that's what I'll always have" He went on to talk about Mary Claire Cheney (Dick Cheney's daughter) and how even though the family does not agree with her lifestyle, they still get along. Because "she's in a relationship with another woman". I tried to explain that this is different because I'm not a woman anymore.and I'm not a lesbian, I'm transgender. He just didn't really seem to understand what I'm doing with my life. But only time will tell, he said he would try to stop saying "the girls" and start saying "Sarah and A" and therefore calling me "A" instead of 'Aileen'. We shall see where that goes. 

In other news, James got fired two Fridays ago at work. He was lying about how much work he was doing everyday and since no one had ever really checked it, he was getting away with it. Who knows for how long but Juan asked me to figure out why his numbers didn't match up and I did. 

Honestly I took it pretty hard because here was a guy that I trusted, my first new friend made as "Aidan" at my first job as "Aidan", and he accepted me no matter what. He was a really down-to-earth, and we had some real heart-to-hearts but at this point who knows what he was lying about.

Okay, onto the good stuff. 

My Mom has been actually TRYING. Like, really. It's throwing me off, honestly, and I'm liking it but I'm shocked at how she's coming along. Apparently at the quilt meeting the other night, someone was talking about all of the help that was given by family members at the quilt show. And how they should thank their families for coming out, and she looked to my Mom and said "especially your son", and my mom asked "my son?" and the woman said "yeah your son who was there the whole time" and Mom said "oh yeah, he's my son". I'M SORRY, WHAT?!

SO that happened. AND, her sister, my aunt - has been using male pronouns and calling me "Aidan". It's shocking, and AWESOME and I really really appreciate the effort that is being put forward. It's amazing to see how much progress has been made in the past months. 

Side note: Phil at work told me that when he started working at the company in October and he met me, he had no idea about me. And when he heard from someone he thought that they were playing a trick on him. And that if he ever heard anyone making fun of me or giving me crap that he would kick the shit out of them. That was a HUGE ego boost. Overall it's been a good week. 

ALSO, I will be starting my volunteering with a pre-enlist ARMY program on Friday with a someone who I consider a really good friend. We haven't seen each other in years but I feel like we're just going to pick up where we left off. It's gonna be fun - I'm nervous excited. 

I'm sure there will be more updates in a week or so. 

PS- April 18th will be a year on hormones. Maybe I'll do another post about that separately soon.