Thursday, September 18, 2014

No Room For Doubt

Not a single day goes by that I do not think about this surgery. About finally being able to breathe easier (literally and figuratively) and not having to make myself physically uncomfortable in order to be emotionally comfortable. To be able to go for a run without having to put on layer of clothing, or go swimming without having to wear a shirt over a binder tank that I'm pretending is a bathing suit, or not be nervous about which shirts hide my chest better. It's going to be over - the time is upon us.

I have a consult with Dr. Melissa Johnson in Springfield, MA on Monday to discuss procedure, costs, and dates. I will present her with all of the information necessary to be sent along with her letter and documents to the insurance company, and we will wait to see if I fulfill all of the check marks necessary for the insurance to cover the chest reconstruction surgery. I will be paying for the lipo of the abs and hips myself out of pocket. But by getting it all done in one shot, the insurance will cover the anesthesia. 

I cannot express in words how excited I am for this. It's not even necessarily excitement as much as it is a huge sigh of relief. I thought this expense was going to take YEARS to save up for. Many FtM trans guys I know  had to save for years to do it. I was terrified that I would never make it - and be forced to live my life hating the way that I looked and felt. Every day I would compare every single expense to Chest Reconstruction (Top) surgery. Candy bar or top surgery? Copay at the doctor or top surgery? New sneakers or top surgery? It was exhausting, as well as extremely overwhelming. 

Now with the help of (my lovely amazing girlfriend of over 6 years - as you all probably know by now) Sarah, other friends and family support, and having a steady job - the end is in sight. It's going to be tough, of course, but it's going to happen. I'm going to be happy. I'm finally going to know what it feels like to be happy and content with how I look. A completely new feeling to me, and I have no idea what to expect. The idea of looking into a mirror and feeling anything but dissatisfaction is alien to me. 

That said, I'm extremely excited to move on with my life and be happy!

Monday we drive to Massachusetts! 

Selfish plug to my GoFundMe Page! 
Personally made "Thank You"s to all who donate!