Tuesday, December 23, 2014

The Countdown...and Happy Holidays

Time seems to be going quickly now, which is good. I haven't thought about surgery deeply since it was scheduled and I think that's a good thing - it seems to make time pass easier. That's probably why I haven't posted either. The more excited I get about it and time spent thinking about it just slows everything down.

But surgery is a month from yesterday, so on January 22nd I will be having it done. First thing in the morning, Of course I'm excited; I'm just trying not the think about it too much.

         *          *          *

Holidays are here, and if I had to pick a favorite, I think Christmas would be right behind St. Patrick's Day. Just because of the food, honestly.

We used to have a big breakfast at my house when I lived with my parents. There was a schedule. Wake up, open presents, go to church (this stopped happening eventually), come home and cook, and have breakfast. But it wasn't just a "oh this is nice and quiet breakfast with the family". It was a "the neighbors and Nana are coming too" and it would become this buffet of food and family and friends and it was nice. I mean, that's how it felt when I was kid - so of course I'm going to latch onto that.

Then we would head to Uncle Mike's, and I would get to see all of my cousins. I haven't seen them in over a year. But we're already doing 2-3 houses on Christmas Day. It would be too much to have to stop at another house. Plus I'm still trying to give everyone time to deal with my life changes, and it's apparent that some people need more time - so I'm giving them space.

I love the holidays, but something about this time of year also makes me sad. Not in a "crying myself to sleep" sad, just a longing for something more. I suppose it has to do with the promise of a new year coming as well - something to look forward to, the idea that this year will be different. In my case, that's true. The idea of finally doing something I have wanted for so long is very...well it's split. It is definitely exciting, hopeful, and will be on some level - vindicating. On the other side, it is overwhelming to think that this weight (literally and figuratively) will be lifted from me.

This weight (the figurative half) has been here forever, I just never knew what it was called. I never had a name for it - it's just been sitting there. Over the years I got used to it, I knew it's ups and downs, I could keep an eye on it and maybe even lessen it to an extent but it was never fully gone. To tell the truth I don't know if it will ever truly be gone, but maybe this will help. I'm hopeful that it will.

I suppose we will find out.

Happy Holidays everyone!