Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Expression at it's finest

Interestingly enough, there is something that I have heard more than once as of late - about people's first impressions of me (post-transition) and I find it extremely interesting.

It turns out that people who meet me without seeing (or my mentioning) Sarah, assume that I'm a gay man. On a certain level, it makes complete sense. There is something about me (my presentation and my expression) that people cannot put their finger on. Women feel strangely comfortable around me, and men... just don't get me. From a sociological standpoint, it's fascinating. I always knew that it was happening, but I couldn't truly explain it. I still can't say it exactly right, but a term that someone suggested is pretty damn close... they stated that it's most likely because I am "emotionally available". Men aren't the best at handling that type of feeling directed towards them, and women wonder if I'm gay because they sense that I'm not going to try and hit on them, and in no way am I a potential threat. Something women are constantly having to deal with - some men who are sexually driven assholes. I don't fit that mold, and it throws people off.

I love to see people struggle internally trying to figure out what category to put me in, and it's satisfying to know that some guys actually hate me for it. Without really knowing why they hate me (which is honestly the best part). I've had men ask me why I'm so comfortable around women, and I had to fight not to laugh. I answered "because I see them as no different than men, and I'm not thinking about what they look like naked when I talk to them".  Which is what a lot of men do. Not all, I'm not generalizing here - but I'm probably one of the only guys in the bar not trying to hit on someone, and I think women sense that. Many times I have saved a woman from unwanted contact on a dance floor, while all of the other men in the room have no idea why that woman will stick with me the rest of the night - or even realize that she was uncomfortable on the dance floor in the first place.

Some men are so dumb.

Not to say I'm completely straight, because I'm not. I don't think I could form a sexual relationship with another man, but emotional connections can be just as strong (if not stronger) and it's not untrue to say that I could fall in love with another man. It just doesn't necessarily mean I want to get down and dirty with him. I have loved men before, and there are men that I love now. A fact which has no bearing on my loving and committed relationship with Sarah (and she knows that).

Maybe one of these days I'll let someone think that I'm gay for as long as I can, just so I can study their face when I finally break it to them that I've been in a relationship with a woman for almost eight years. Cruel? Probably. BUT IT'S FOR SCIENCE!!

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Since it's been so long since I last posted, here's a simple recipe as a bonus:

Brown Sugar Cookies

2 Cups AP Flour
1 tsp baking soda
1.5 tsp cornstarch
1/2 tsp cinnamon (I also add a bit of nutmeg)
1/4 tsp Salt
3/4 cup butter
1.25 Cup DARK brown sugar
1 egg
2 tsp vanilla

Preheat oven to 325 F
Melt butter in saucepan (don't let it boil)
Add brown sugar to saucepan with butter and mix (whisking is better) until combined
Whisk in egg with brown sugar/butter mixture, then vanilla
Mix all dry in large bowl, whisking to get rid of flour lumps
Pour wet into dry and mix with wooden spoon until combined
Spoon onto parchment paper covered cookie sheets (they don't spread much during baking when using dark brown sugar, but using light brown sugar means they'll spread more on the pans)

Bake ~10 minutes until JUST golden brown