First of all, Happy New Year everyone! Truthfully, I'm not big on New Year's Resolutions (even though I make them sometimes). I don't think that anyone should wait to make changes that could better themselves, although it just happens to line up nicely that my surgery is this month. Holy shit can you believe it? I'm excited! 20 days!
Anyway, as much as I don't believe in waiting for January 1st to change your life, the new year does inevitably bring about thoughts of change and the future.
Some people my age (or some at any age, I'm sure) would rather think about anything else besides having kids. I find myself thinking about it a lot lately, I'm not sure why - and not in a negative way. I am so excited to have kids, but of course this brings up some other things that (according to society) should be done first. Such as but not limited to; get married and buy a house (something society and I agree on - shocking) before having kids. I'm not saying I look down on those who don't go about life this way, if it works for them that's great. It's just that personally, I want to go in that order - just my opinion.
I'm not worried about our future, but I do want to plan for it better than some other people have. I don't want to be those people who don't plan anything and then buy a house later in life and are still paying it off when they're too old to work anymore. I know it may sound a bit dramatic, but I don't mean it to be. I just want to have a plan, that's all. Nothing too specific - because we cannot predict the future by any means and something could happen that puts us back in our plans - and we have to be able to roll with that.
And if my family is still giving me shit about my transition that's their problem. I don't have time for that anymore. I'm tired of wasting my breath, so if they call me Aileen and use female pronouns - fine. Even though it still hurts when they do it, I'm letting it go because they'll figure it out or they won't. And when I do have a family, and a house, they don't have to be a part of that life if they cannot get their shit together. It's been over two years. I'm done wasting my time on it.
I guess what I'm trying to say (and failing miserably) is that I'm ready. I'm ready for what's ahead, to do what I have to do in order to be happy - and that's a big step for me. I'm ready to work any job to pay the bills so we can get a house, and have a family. I'm ready to put myself and Sarah first and figure out our shit before I stop to help someone else with theirs. I'm a good person, and a good friend, but it's my turn now.
